TIME TO TURN THE FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS INTO A FESTIVAL OF DE-LIGHTS…
Remember “Naughty Lists” aren’t just for Gentiles…
- Two words: Strip Dreidel. Spin the top and lose yours.
- Light the menorah, enjoy the wax.
- Sure it’s Hanukah, but why not blow the shofar? And if you do, don’t ignore his matzoh balls.
- Practice your “Oy Face” in a mirror.
- Remember, “knish” rhymes well with “bitch” for any dirty talk needs.
- Nothing beats a big, hard, kosher salami.
- Hanukah gelt doubles as delicious pasties.
- Bondage can be fun…not so much in Egypt that time, but you know.
And here are three extra candles for Hanukah after dark….
- A shmear isn’t just for bagels anymore – try some on your lady bagel / private pastry and watch him go for everything. (Caution: Avoid Lox)
- Let your wild Jewess curls be free. On your head too.
- Sometimes a hard CHHHHHHH-H is as satisfying as a hard…crossword puzzle. (“Crossword puzzle” is a nice code word for penis if your Nana is visiting).
Hope you have a wonderful festival of delights. Just remember to pace yourself, hydrate – it’s 8 nights. What, you should shtup the whole time?