TIME TO TURN THE FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS INTO A FESTIVAL OF DE-LIGHTS…

Get a kick out of Hanukah with Fifty Two Shades of Blue-ish

Remember “Naughty Lists” aren’t just for Gentiles…

1. Two words: Strip Dreidel.  Spin the top and lose yours.
2. Light the menorah, enjoy the wax.
3. Sure it’s Hanukah, but why not blow the shofar?  And if you do, don’t ignore his matzoh balls.
4. Practice your “Oy Face” in a mirror.
5. Remember, “knish” rhymes well with “bitch” for any dirty talk needs.
6. Nothing beats a big, hard, kosher salami.
7. Hanukah gelt doubles as delicious pasties.
8. Bondage can be fun…not so much in Egypt that time, but you know.

And here are three extra candles for Hanukah after dark….

1. A shmear isn’t just for bagels anymore – try some on your lady bagel / private pastry and watch him go for everything.  (Caution: Avoid Lox)
2. Let your wild Jewess curls be free.  On your head too.
3. Sometimes a hard CHHHHHHH-H is as satisfying as a hard…crossword puzzle.  (“Crossword puzzle” is a nice code word for penis if your Nana is visiting).

Hope you have a wonderful festival of delights.  Just remember to pace yourself, hydrate – it’s 8 nights.  What, you should shtup the whole time?